word processor?

Dear All

In order to try and retain my memory, here is one of my comic poems given 30 years ago when I was the 'comic turn' at the COS November shows.
It is a nonsense rhyme from Billy Bennett who used to wear a black overcoat and bowler hat (Circa 1924-6) and always kept a straight face.

THE ROAD TO MANDALAY

'On the banks of the river schemozzle, mid the deserts and sands of Dundalk,
I've hunted wild llamas in purple pajamas and eaten pea soup with a fork;

I've struggled with scivvies and ooja capivvies and milked tabby cats in Tibet,
I've cut off the congas from bizzy balongas but the worst time that I've had yet
Was on the Road to Mandalay, where they're frying fish all day

They bring there own chips with them, when its early closing day
They eat hot curried chicken in the Kyber Pass cafe
and you can hear the sound of thunder as it booms across the Bay.

There's an old white washed pagoda looking eastwards to the west
where a Burmese girl from Bermondsey, sits knitting in her vest.

She's pretty as a picture though she's lost one eye they say In the Black Hole of Calcutta?

No - in a key-hole in Bombay.

Look as far as you can see, boy, look a little further son. for that Burma girl is burning - stick a fork in see if she's done.

Oh, that dainty, dusky damsel. Indian features, proud and sweet Indian ink upon her fingers, Indian corns upon her feet.

There's not a drop of water in this waste of desert land the Soldiers tongues are hanging out and trailing in the sand.
They're hanging out like carpets and you'll hear the natives say It's time they laid some lino on the Road to Mandalay

See that stately dromedary, with its hind legs give a kick
and two mosquitoes on its back say "stop your jockling tick.
On its hump there sits two Hindus and when the drum, drum gives a cough, they exit through the early doors and the monkey says 'They're off' (NOT IN THERE, LADDIE, THAT'S A PITH HELMET)

There's a farm on the horizon, looking eastwards to Siam. where you can get some ham and eggs (if you've got some eggs and ham)

They've only got one chicken, though they call it Mandy by the way

They've just found out that its a cock, that why they can't make Mandy Lay.
As the Temple bells are ringing, comes the soldier from his hut
Am I in time for service?
No- too late, the canteen's shut.
There's no maps for the soldiers,in this land of Gunga Din, So they find the toughest soldier and tattoo on his skin.
On his shoulders is Calcutta, lower down he's got Bombay
And you'll find him sitting peacefully ON THE ROAD TO MANDALAY

--
Posted By Patrick to merrow-smith.org on 4/24/2012 09:17:00 AM

Location:Pass it through a word processor?